Late At Night, You Can Still Hear Blue's Raticate In The Wind

Holy shit, it's the goddamned Pokemon Trainer! Wait? What's so bad-ass about a trainer of little animals? Are you kidding me? Red is a damned legend! Just look at the basic powers of your everyday Pokemon, captured within a technological marvel in terms of storage space, they defy all the laws of nature on a regular basis.

And Red? He doesn't give a flying fuck about this. He'll cause Earthquakes, leveling entire cities, just to beat a small-time trainer out of some loose change. Red will fly from town to town using his mighty legendary birds just to find more creatures to enslave. When word came out of a secret cloned Pokemon being sighted in a cave, he was the first to get in there and capture him. He even brought back three races of Pokemon previously thought to be extinct, just for bragging rights.

An entire underground network of thugs stood between him and his road to glory, and he singlehandedly dealt with all of them, because fuck relying on authorities. You know who else stood in Red's way? Ash Ketchum. During the Pokemon League. Guess where Ash's journey to the top of the Pokemon League ended? Exactly.

You know who else stood in Red's way? Gary. Enough said.